


Boyfriend Material

by Amuly



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, X-force - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:07:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16617788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amuly/pseuds/Amuly
Summary: Shatterstar has things all figured out. Julio is his boyfriend. Because of the emotional vulnerability and time spent together doing dating-type things. Now he just needs to convince Julio that this is the case.





	Boyfriend Material

**Author's Note:**

> So there's this line in issue 200 of X-Factor in the "character sheets" material that says Rictor and Shatterstar's "secret romance" started in X-Force days, and it made me think: what if it was literally _just_ a romance? Because of Shatterstar's sexual confusion and Rictor's internalized homophobia, what if the main aspect of their relationship as 19 year old boys was emotional vulnerability and romantic dates and nearly entirely asexual?

“Julio!”

It had been a typical afternoon with X-Force. As typical as things got, at least. Rictor was on perimeter duty, sitting in a little open-sided guard shack on a bluff just outside of camp that gave him a pretty good three-sixty view of everything. Even then, Shatterstar had somehow managed to nearly sneak up on him. Dude was some sort of magic. Or something. 

Shatterstar stormed his way into the pagoda with his usual disregard for personal space. His swords were slung across his back, costume still somehow perfectly white despite the red desert dust. 

“Julio! I must speak with you.”

Rictor didn’t move from where he was sitting, leaning back on the chair’s two rear legs, comic book open in his lap. He looked at Shatterstar over the top of his sunglasses. 

“Okay, dude. Speak.”

“I was watching TV-”

“We’ve warned you about that.”

Shatterstar scowled as Rictor’s sarcasm but pushed determinedly forward. 

“-and I now know what our relationship is.”

Rictor squinted at the glimmering white warrior in front of him. “Um... friends?”

“You are my boyfriend, Julio.”  

Yeah, Rictor fell right out of the chair, sprawling out in the desert dust. His sunglasses went skittering. Shatterstar gamely moved to help him up but Rictor slapped his hand away. He couldn’t- he wasn’t-

Frantically Rictor looked around to see if any other members of X-Force had heard that. But of course, they were the only ones this far out on the edge of the base. Rictor pressed his back to one column of the pagoda, wrapping his hands around it behind him. Shatterstar was staring at him with that little frown on his face, that one that settled just between his eyebrows that he got when humans were particularly confusing to him. 

Madre di Dios, ‘Star wasn’t even _human_. Rictor trembled. 

“I have said something wrong but I do not know what. Are we not boyfriends?”

“Madre- keep your voice down, would you, ‘Star?” Rictor looked around dramatically. 

“There is no one else around,” Shatterstar told him, impatiently. No one else would have picked up on it thanks to Shatterstar’s flat affect, but Rictor knew. Rictor knew a lot of things about ‘Star like that. Like when his lack of knowledge about humans frustrated him, or how he liked his eggs (raw, but if Rictor made him, sunny side up).

Rictor’s stomach churned uneasily. 

“Okay, okay. You just don’t know,” Rictor told ‘Star, but also himself. “Look, so: I can’t be your boyfriend. We’re both dudes.”

“Right, which is why you are my boyfriend, and not my girlfriend.”

Saints, give him strength. 

“No, it’s why we can’t be boyfriends. Two guys can’t be boyfriends. Only a girl and a guy can be boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re just friends, ‘Star.” The churning in his stomach got worse. “Best friends, if you want. That’s what you mean: I’m your best friend.”

But Shatterstar was shaking his head insistently. “No, Julio. Boys can be boyfriends. It is called being ‘gay.’ You must not know about it. I gather it is a recent phenomenon.”

Rictor placed his head in his hands. Oh, no. Oh, this wasn’t going well. 

Look, he’d... He’d _noticed_ ‘Star, of course he had. Impossible not to, when this physically perfect alien gladiator from beyond the stars was training shirtless all the time. But like, even Jimmy, and Sam and junk noticed ‘Star. Dude was bred to be looked at, to draw attention. It didn’t _mean_ anything. 

Neither did beating off in the shower all the time. He was eighteen, it was perfectly normal. He didn’t think about anything while he did it. Or anyone.

“Okay, so somehow you know what ‘gay’ is...” Rictor muttered to himself. 

“The show about Friendship has two women whom are gay. Though sometimes they call it ‘lesbians;’ I believe that is a gendered term, though.”

“Nice job, yeah, you got it.” Rictor thought for a minute. “Okay, how about this: why do _you_ think we’re boyfriends? We don’t, uh...” Rictor’s cheeks grew hot. “We don’t kiss fuck or anything.”

Shatterstar’s face grew grim. For a horrifying moment Rictor thought maybe ‘Star was going to announce that he wished to fuck Rictor, and _then_ what would Rictor do? (No, seriously, he was asking: what would he do? His brain just kinda stuttered to a halt after imaging ‘Star saying “fuck” and “you” and “Julio.”)

But Shatterstar was thinking no such thing. Rictor should have figured. Dude always seemed vaguely uncomfortable when Feral or anyone flirted with him. “I don’t understand the biological imperative part of human relationships as of yet. But I know you are my boyfriend and not just my best friend. You...” Shatterstar shifted, just an inch side to side, but it was a huge tell for a guy like him. “You are teaching me how to tell time.”

“Well, the guys said it was fucking you up in the field.”

“You watch movies and television with me.”

“So does everyone else, TV is great.”

“We eat together, train together-”

“We live on a compound, so does everyone.”

“Julio!”

Rictor grimaced sheepishly. “Sorry.”

Shatterstar stood there for a long second. Then, to Rictor’s utter surprise, he unsheathed his swords. And place them to the side. Rictor could only stare open mouthed as a disarmed Shatterstar stepped close to Rictor, until only inches separated them. Rictor leaned against the column and shivered, head tilted back to meet Shatterstar’s eyes. 

“I am... emotionally vulnerable with you, Julio. Around no one else do I drop my swords and become... ‘Star.’ I am a weapon, but...”

“No you’re not, dude,” Rictor whispered. Shatterstar smiled at him. 

“But you don’t treat me like one.”

Shatterstar lifted his hand. It hovered there, in the air alongside them, for a long moment. His face would seem perfectly smooth to anyone else, but Rictor could read the storm across it. Rictor held his breath, heart racing a thousand miles a minute. And, uh, his pants were getting kinda tight, but that was probably just a. A fear response, or something. 

Finally, Shatterstar reached across the gap between them and placed his hand on Rictor’s bicep. He squeezed, lightly. Rictor shuddered and focused mostly on staying on his feet. Shatterstar’s hand was cold (he always ran a little cold) against Rictor’s desert-heated skin. 

“All these things mean you are my boyfriend,” Shatterstar announced with certainty. 

“Boyfriends usually do, uh, other stuff, too.” Rictor wasn’t sure what words his mouth was saying. 

“I do not understand these things,” Shatterstar announced. Then that little frown appeared between his eyebrows again. His eyes looked... Rictor had nearly never seen them look that way. He was scared. Or at least nervous. “But perhaps-”

Shatterstar kissed him. Rictor’s knees finally did buckle on him, but Shatterstar was still holding on to his arm with one hand, and he kept him upright. Shatterstar’s lips were dry, and didn’t move against Rictor’s. They just pressed there firmly and held. Rictor melted beneath him. 

Shatterstar pulled away after what felt like an eternity but must have been one second. But something had been released in Rictor and he grabbed the front of Shatterstar’s shirt and yanked him in for a second, much sloppier kiss. Rictor’s head swam. Shatterstar had kissed him. He was kissing Shatterstar. Rictor moaned and dragged his tongue against Shatterstar’s mouth, sucked at his lips. He pulled Shatterstar’s hard, big body against his, hands roaming everywhere. Shatterstar had kissed him, Shatterstar was his boyfriend-

“Julio, Julio! No!”

Shatterstar shoved Rictor off him with (embarrassing) ease, holding Rictor at arm’s length. Rictor breathed hard, world spinning beneath him. Actually, it was shaking, just a little. Rictor breathed, and breathed, pulling his powers back inside him until the earth beneath their feet stopped moving. He couldn’t will away his erection so easily, but Shatterstar was his boyfriend, his... Rictor blinked at Shatterstar. Wasn’t he?

Shatterstar’s face was twisted up in confusion. 

“I...” Rictor’s voice came out as a raw croak. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I thought we were boyfriends? You just said.”

“I also said I don’t understand the biological imperative parts,” Shatterstar reminded him. “I thought... you also seemed... perturbed at the mention of physical intimacy between two men.”

Rictor groaned. He batted Shatterstar’s hand off his shoulder and strode away, to the edge of the pagoda. After a moment he whirled on Shatterstar. 

“You kissed me!”

Shatterstar frowned. “Yes. I believe I liked that. It will take more times before I know for sure.”

Rictor gaped at him. “Oh my gosh. You’re like... it’s like we’re twelve.”

“I am nineteen,” Shatterstar insisted. 

“Yeah, but you’re not...” Rictor shook his head, mind racing. He narrowed his eyes at Shatterstar. “You want to be my boyfriend?”

“We _are_ boyfriends,” Shatterstar corrected him. 

“And maybe some closed-mouth kisses are ok, but no humping.”

“I did not like the part where you tried to eat my mouth,” Star agreed, face faintly disgusted. 

That was... actually kind of a relief. Well, _one_ kind of relief, at least, if decidedly not the other kind. Rictor adjusted himself in his jeans. 

Shatterstar was too new to Earth to feel comfortable with all this sex stuff yet. He just wanted to, like, sit next to Rictor on the couch and watch TV with him. Maybe hold his hand. 

Rictor’s stomach did flip-flops.

Of course, there were some glaring problems with that happy picture. 

“You can’t tell anyone we’re gay,” Rictor warned. 

“I do not know if I’m gay,” Shatterstar shrugged. “Are you?”

Rictor ignored that, like he’d been ignoring it his whole life: easily. “Well then you can’t tell anyone we’re boyfriends.”

“It is bad for team dynamics,” Shatterstar nodded. 

Rictor laughed and ignored the grouchy look Shatterstar threw him. “No, no. Well, sure, but. Look: two guys being boyfriends isn’t really a good thing, ok? We’d get the shit kicked out of us.”

Shatterstar shot him a _look_ and Rictor rolled his eyes. 

“Okay, maybe _we_ wouldn’t, but lots of guys do. Sam and Jimmy and everyone would stop being your friend.”

“I do not need them to be my friends. I have you.”

Ignoring that—grabbing hold of it, shoving it deep into his chest, to turn over and examine like precious stones later—Rictor tried the one thing he knew would get Shatterstar. “Cable wouldn’t like you.”

“Why not?!”

“Because people don’t like gay guys.”

“I’m not sure I’m gay.”

“People don’t like guys who kiss other guys.”

Shatterstar turned that over in his mind. “I mostly did that because you would like it.”

“Says who?!”

Shatterstar shrugged. “Months of observation.” He looked at Rictor with a twinkle in his eye. “I wasn’t wrong.”

Rictor pouted mightily, running a hand through his hair. Madre di Dios, if the fucking _alien_ could figure it out... But self-loathing was followed quicker by a pang of guilt.

“’Star, just because you think I might like something doesn’t mean you should do it.”

‘Star shrugged. “It wasn’t unpleasant. It just wouldn’t have occurred to me on my own. Such was not done on Mojoworld. Not by the gladiators, at least.”

Hope, crazy and bright, beat at Rictor’s chest. The ground shook a little before he flexed his hands, quieting it. “Can… can we try it one more time? I’ll keep my mouth shut, I promise.”

Shatterstar nodded immediately. “Yes, of course, Julio. You are my boyfriend.”

Rictor shook his head but he couldn’t stop smiling as they stepped towards each other, invading each other’s space. Shatterstar was concentrating, like he did for anything on Earth that wasn’t like how he was used to on Mojoworld. The little frown was back between his eyebrows. Without thinking it, Rictor reached up, smoothing the tension away with his thumb. Shatterstar blinked, staring down at him. His cheeks reddened. Rictor’s heart skipped a beat. Or ten.

“I liked that,” Shatterstar told him, like he needed to.

Rictor nodded. “I know. Feels good?”

Shatterstar captured Rictor’s hand as he dropped it back to his side. He pulled it into his chest, rubbing his thumb over the back of Rictor’s hand. Shatterstar stared at their hands like he couldn’t understand what was happening, even though he was doing the touching. Rictor’s heart hammered in his chest as he watched Shatterstar figure this out. The ground trembled again, but Rictor couldn’t stop it, this time.

“Touching you comforts me,” Shatterstar admitted, after a long moment. He met Rictor’s eyes. “I feel at peace, when I am with you. If not completely, more than at any other time.”

“ _Dios_ , ‘Star…”

Shatterstar kissed him, then: just pressing his lips to Rictor’s, and Rictor trembled as he fought back the urge to do more. Shatterstar kept his hand trapped between them, holding it tight to his chest, but Rictor wrapped his other arm around Star’s waist and held him close. When Shatterstar finally pulled away—much longer than a second, this time—he sighed and rested his chin on Rictor’s shoulder. His hand came up to pet at Rictor’s hair.

“Stop shaking,” he told him.

Rictor breathed deep, eyes shut, cheek pressed to Shatterstar’s shoulder. The ground stopped shaking, though he couldn’t make himself stop, not entirely. That was enough though, apparently. ‘Star pulled back and looked Rictor in the eyes seriously. Then he grinned big.

“I liked that. You are my boyfriend.”

Rictor’s face burned as his stomach did flip flops.

“Okay, just… just between us, yeah? Seriously, you have to trust me on this: no one else is going to be okay with this.” _I’m_ not okay with it.

Shatterstar nodded. “Of course I trust you, Julio. I will be the height of discretion.”

‘Star leaned forward and kissed Rictor’s temple, just at the edge of his eyebrow, before turning to pick up his swords. Then he was gone, in a flash of white and whirl of fabric, long strides eating away at the desert distance.

Rictor collapsed back into his chair, head swimming. Madre di Dios.

* * *

 

It has been great at first. Nothing has changed between them, except for this sort of heightened awareness Rictor had around Shatterstar. They would sit and watch TV like always, but now every brush of Shatterstar’s arm or nudge of his knee when he got really into whatever five stupid sitcoms he was watching simultaneously sent an electric shock up Rictor’s spine. When they ate dinner with the rest of X-Force at their long commissary table, Rictor and Shatterstar sat in their usual spots. But now when Rictor’s eyes met Shatterstar’s across the table, there was this knowledge that accompanied it, which left Rictor smiling like a moron. 

It was great. It really was. Until it was lights out, and Shatterstar somersaulted into his bunk above Rictor’s. And Rictor had to lie there, and listen to Shatterstar’s light breathing, knowing that ‘Star barely slept, knowing he was lying awake in a meditative state two feet above Rictor’s head. 

Rictor’s shower time increased about three-fold in the second week of their “relationship.” He got up when ‘Star did, just so he could have some privacy. He gasped under the hot spray, picturing ‘Star going through his morning training routine: shirtless, glistening, hair shinning in the red morning sun. Rictor’s hand flew over his dick, slicked with soap as he quickly approached the edge. His eyes squeezed shut as he remembered ‘Star kissing him, the way his body had felt against Rictor’s: bigger, stronger, penning him in with his arms…

Rictor came with a grunt, legs trembling as his hips jerked forward three, four times, fist wringing the last of come out of his dick. Rictor shuddered, lazily wiping his come off the tile walls of the shower. Fuck, that felt good. After scrubbing his hands Rictor reached for the shampoo and started lathering his hair.

That was the only problem, of course, with being ‘Star’s boyfriend: Rictor now felt about a hundred times more horny than he had been before, all the time. Just, constantly.

But then after Rictor finished getting dressed and was toweling off his hair, Shatterstar swept into the room that they shared. And he touched two fingers to the inside of Rictor’s elbow, and smiled at him, and Rictor forgot what he was doing as he just smiled and smiled back at Shatterstar.

Right. That kinda made up for any minor inconveniences. Rictor smiled at Shatterstar as he picked up his things for the shower, then kept smiling as Shatterstar left the room. ‘Star turned to smile back at him one last time before he left and Rictor was left holding his towel, staring dumbly after him for a long minute before he came to his senses.

Around the others it was okay.

 _POP_!

“FUCK, TABS! What the hell?!”

Tabby fell back in her chair, cackling madly as Rictor wiped cereal off his face with his napkin. He poked briefly at his bowl, wondering if he could still eat it after Tabby dropped one of her time-bombs in it. Then he realized all the milk was draining out the bottom of the bowl where she’d blown a hole in it.

“Fuck!” Rictor leaped back just in time to avoid a lapful of milk as it drained off the table.

“Well _that_ got your attention, _finally_!” Tabby moaned.

“What?” Rictor threw out his busted bowl and started setting about getting himself a fresh breakfast. Fucking Tabs. His Trix had just reached the perfect softness levels, too. Rictor grumbled as he quickly sliced a banana in his hands, dropping the slices on top of his fresh bowl of cereal.

“I was _saying_ we needed to go _shopping_ for _supplies_ ,” Tabby explained. “But _you_ were too busy making googly eyes at Shatty-buns.”

Rictor jerked, nearly slicing his thumb off.

“I was not!” he shouted, turning on Tabby. He jabbed at her with the knife. She just fell back in her seat laughing again. Rictor flushed. She’d always been the older, hipper sister, it felt like. More worldly and cooler than Rictor, no matter how many leather vests or studded wrist cuffs he tried on. His face burned hot as he turned back to his cereal.

“You used to love going to the mall!” Tabby whined. “Come on, come with us? Siryn’s not exactly _fun_.”

“Correct,” Theresa agreed, deadpan.

“I miss Skids,” Tabby whined. “Come on, Rictor. You’re the only girlfriend I’ve got left.”

“I’m not a girl!” Of course his voice cracked when he said that. Rictor cleared his throat with a growl.

“I will go.”

Rictor blinked when Shatterstar spoke up. So did everyone else. Jimmy frowned at him.

“You don’t have to, Shatterstar,” Jimmy offered. “I was going to drive the girls.”

Rictor rolled his eyes. Everyone knew Jimmy was going so he could spend more time with Theresa. And in any case, it wasn’t like Boom-Boom and Siryn would be helpless on their own.

“I would like to,” Shatterstar insisted, his eyes on Rictor. “Julio, you always say I have no civilian clothing. I would like to buy some.”

Rictor’s mouth went dry. He shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, even though it was still too crunchy for his tastes.

“You could help me pick some out,” Shatterstar continued, brightly.

Before Rictor could come up with a reply (other than a sudden, _vivid_ fantasy of helping Shatterstar get undressed in a Macy’s changing room), Tabby screeched. Everyone around the table winced, even Theresa.

“Shatty-buns!! Forgot Rictor, if you wanted fashion help _you should have asked me_!!”

Shatterstar frowned over at Tabby. “I do not trust your tastes to match my own.” He turned back to Rictor and smiled softly. “I trust Julio’s.”

Tabby rolled her eyes before jabbing her spoon at Rictor. “Okay, that’s it. You _have_ to come so we can dress up our own personal Ken doll over here, come on.”

Just then Sam strolled in, finger stuck in his ear as he shook shower water from it. “Who’s a Ken doll? Hey Tabs.”

Tabby almost blushed, caught out leching over a guy who wasn’t her boyfriend. Rictor grinned, reveling a small part in her comeuppance.

“We’re going to the mall,” she announced. “Rictor and I are going to dress up Shatty-buns.”

“I’m really no good, ‘Star,” Rictor told him as he settled back down at his seat, last of the spilt milk and cereal mopped up. His Trix were just approaching perfect sogginess levels, too. “Ask Tabs. My fashion sense is mostly cut-off sleeves and… well, that’s about it.”

Shatterstar smiled across the table at him. “I would not know the difference. But I do know you won’t dress me absurdly.” He leaned across the table, whispering loudly. “I do not trust Tabitha the same.” Beneath the table, Shatterstar bumped his foot into the side of Rictor’s. Warmth spread from Rictor’s foot up through his whole body. Okay. Maybe a mall trip could be fun.

Rictor stuck his tongue out at Tabs. And held his bowl up over his head just as she chucked a time-bomb at him. He’d known her for way too long to fall for that twice in one morning, come on.

* * *

 

Rictor stood in front of the sales rack at Macy’s, rubbing the back of his head. Okay, so he _really_ didn’t know what he was doing. It actually was probably a great thing Tabby came along with them.

“Well, you need jeans,” Rictor pointed out. “Why don’t we figure out what size you are in those and figure the rest out later. Dios, how long is your inseam…”

“I’ll measure his inseam!”

Rictor shoved Tabby away without even looking at her. She just giggled and threw a time-bomb towards him, which he also deflected without a look. She whined at him but Rictor was too concerned with figuring out, seriously, how _long_ was Shatterstar’s inseam?

“Here…” Rictor grabbed a series of jeans, spanning about six inches. “Try on all these. Tell me which one fits best.”

Shatterstar frowned at the jeans. “I do not like how dull this blue is. What about these, the ones with the white blotches?”

Rictor raised his eyebrow, checking out the acid wash jeans Shatterstar pointed to. That… he kinda wanted to see that. Then again… Rictor glanced back to where Tabby was rummaging through some sales racks. Would those jeans look gay, on Shatterstar? Rictor chewed at his lower lip.

“This is just for sizing,” Rictor promised Shatterstar, turning his attention back to the matter at hand. “Once we’ve got a handle on that, then we pick colors and styles and junk.”

Shatterstar stared down at the plain blue denim dubiously, but allowed Rictor to push him into a changing room. Rictor stayed decidedly on the outside of it, not thinking about Shatterstar changing just on the other side of a piece of curtain. It wasn’t like they weren’t naked around each other all the time in X-Force, anyway. It was just… _now_ …

“The pants should reach my ankles?” Shatterstar asked.

“Yeah, thereabouts. If it’s little longer that’s better than a little too short.”

“Then these are too short?”

The curtain opened and Shatterstar emerged in jeans that were comically short. His bony ankles jutted out, four inches at least below the bottom of the jeans. Rictor stifled a laugh, before Tabby came up behind him and started _cackling_.

“Ahh, Shatty! I’m cured of ever finding you hot again, you look ridiculous!”

Shatterstar scowled. Then he glanced at Rictor, not a little hurt. Rictor waved his hands in front of him.

“I told you, we’re trying to find the right size. Skip the next size up, go straight to the one after that. Don’t worry, it’ll look better. You’re just so damn tall.”

Shatterstar nodded bravely, whisking the curtain shut before him with a flourish. Rictor shook his head and leaned back against the opposite wall, waiting with Tabby.

“Where’d Theresa go?”

“Somewhere way fancier than this,” Tabby told him. After a beat: “You’re gonna put Shatty-buns into something hotter than plain old jeans, right? Gotta show off those famous _ass_ -sets.”

Rictor rolled his eyes while he tamped down the panic in his chest. He reminded himself that it was just Tabby being Tabby: no change from how she normally was.

“He was eyeing up some acid-wash jeans earlier.”

“Get him something with rhinestones. And leather.”

Rictor rolled his eyes. “I thought you wanted him to look hot, not gay.”

“Right, I forgot: studs and leather is _your_ look.”

Rictor slouched against the wall and pouted. It kinda sucked knowing someone so long that they were with you through all your most awkward phases.

An hour later and Tabby had run off to do her own thing while Rictor and Shatterstar had managed to gather a decent pile for Shatterstar. “You should buy something as well, Julio,” Shatterstar told him, pushing a cart full of clothes.

Rictor snorted as he looked around. “Er, I don’t think this stuff is really my style…”

“I will find something for you, then,” Shatterstar announced. He began determinedly skimming through the racks. A few minutes later he emerged triumphant, holding a… white button-up shirt. Rictor frowned at it.

“I like this for you,” Shatterstar announced.

“Uh, I dunno, ‘Star…”

“Will you try it on?”

Rictor sighed. Shatterstar was doing his puppy-dog eyes. He didn’t even _know_ he was doing them, the jerk, which just made them _more_ effective. Rictor snatched the shirt from his hands.

“Fine. But I’m going to look like a total dweeb.”

Rictor dutifully went into a dressing room—the same one Shatterstar had been in earlier, actually—and changed into the white button-up. From the other side of the curtain Shatterstar shouted instructions at him. “Tuck the shirt into your jeans in the front, but not the back.” “Roll the sleeves midway up your forearms, below your elbow.” “Leave the top two buttons open. …Perhaps three. You will have to show me, and I will tell you.”

Rictor came out of the dressing room laughing. He did a little spin for Shatterstar, convinced he looked like… he didn’t even know what. An _adult_ , or something ridiculous like that.

Shatterstar had a much different reaction.

He fell silent, finally, as his eyes examined Rictor up and down. He paced around Rictor, studying every inch of him, not speaking a word the entire time. Rictor trembled, just a little, butterflies kicking up in his stomach. Finally Shatterstar stood before Rictor again and nodded.

“I am buying you this. You can wear it on our next date.”

“Date?!” Rictor squeaked.

Shatterstar nodded. “Yes. I will take you out for nice food and drinks, and you will wear that shirt. You look handsome, I believe. You look pleasing to my eye, at least, and we Cadre gladiators have an eye for aesthetics. Though the specifics of Earth fashion still elude me.”

“’Star, ‘Star, back up about. Fifteen miles, there.”

Shatterstar frowned at the idiom, not quite getting it. Rictor waved his hands between them.

“We can’t- You can’t-” Rictor hissed, blowing air between his teeth. “Okay, like, look.” He placed one hand on his hip, gesturing with the other one. “We can’t do the whole fancy dinner date thing.”

Shatterstar’s expression shuttered. Rictor ran a hand through his hair, ignoring the deep hurt in his gut he got from having to disappoint Shatterstar like that.

“It’s not my rule,” Rictor told him. It was the truth but it felt like a lie. “People… It wouldn’t go well.”

Shatterstar turned back to Rictor, eyes suddenly LASER-focused. Rictor almost took a step back at the intensity of his gaze.

“You are my boyfriend,” he announced. Rictor winced and glanced around, but Shatterstar was barreling forward. “I will buy you a nice shirt that I like looking at you in.”

Rictor waved his hands. “Okay, okay! Fine, dude, just don’t-”

“There is no one around,” Shatterstar reassured him. “I understand discretion.”

Rictor left that ridiculous statement unrebutted as he shut himself back in the dressing room. Before he tugged the shirt off, he glanced at himself in the mirror (it was hard to avoid, after all, being a dressing room).

Shatterstar was… kinda right. With his dark complexion, made even richer with all that desert sun, Rictor practically glowed against the white of the shirt. His hair hung unkept over the collar, but if he pulled it back into a tidy knot, he’d almost look handsome. The muscle of his forearms stood out in masculine relief against the rolled-up sleeves, and his like, three chest hairs showed themselves off through the unbuttoned collar.

A smile tried to tug at the corners of Rictor’s mouth before he tamped it down. Shatterstar thought he looked good, in this. That was… Rictor turned, examining himself from different angles. Well. That was pretty cool?

Rictor handed Shatterstar the shirt when he exited the dressing room, brushing his fingers significantly over Shatterstar’s in the exchange. It was an apology, the most he could figure out how to do right now. And then he paid for a couple of ‘Star’s things in return.

“So I can give them to you for presents on special occasions,” he told ‘Star. Who didn’t really get the delayed gratification part of it, but smiled just the same.

* * *

 

A foot gently tapped at Rictor’s beneath their table in the food court. He glanced up at Shatterstar who was staring him down intensely. Rictor tapped back, resting his foot on top of Shatterstar’s. He seemed to relax a smidge at that, face smoothing out in that way only Rictor ever seemed to notice.

“What’s up?”

Shatterstar’s eyes flickered to his left, Rictor’s right. Rictor followed his gaze until he settled on what he figured Shatterstar was trying to direct his attention to: a guy and a girl actually sharing a milkshake, two straws and all. They looked younger than the X-Force group, maybe even middle schoolers. It would cute, if it wasn’t so saccharine. Rictor looked back to Shatterstar who was staring at the couple intently.

“Yeah, ‘Star?”

“We can’t do that,” ‘Star said slowly.

Rictor shot a panicked look at Tabby, Sam, Theresa, and Jimmy, but the other happy couples were too occupied with each other to be paying any attention to Shatterstar and Rictor, both crammed against the wall across from each other in their booth.

“No,” Rictor told him.

“<I liked our time together today.>” Shatterstar spoke slowly in Cadre, carefully picking words Rictor already knew.

“Me too,” Rictor told him. He wished he could say more, but Tabby was right next to him, shoulder bumping into his as she gesticulated wildly at Sam.

The couple with the milkshake was holding hands now, on top of the table. Shatterstar stared at them, face contorting in subtle misery. No one else would have noticed it, but Rictor did.

As subtly as he could, Rictor slipped his left hand, the one alongside the wall, beneath the table. He whistled softly at Shatterstar, gesturing with his eyes. Shatterstar, genius warrior that he was, picked up on the nonverbal signaling quick enough. He slipped his right hand under the table and, after a brief search, found Rictor’s. Rictor winked at him, with his left eye (just in case anyone was looking).

Shatterstar’s hand squeezed tight against his own, and Shatterstar’s eyes were filled with such confused, heartfelt emotion that Rictor had to look away. He held tight to Shatterstar’s hand, though, as long as he thought they could get away with it.

* * *

 

“Julio? Julio, wake up. Julio?”

Rictor fell out of bed, rushing to grab his pants. “What?! What is it, where-” Rictor flailed his finger-guns wildly, ready to defend himself and Shatterstar with all the seismic forces at his disposal.

Shatterstar was peering at him from the center of the room, head tilted to one side, ponytail hanging comically down the side of his head.

“Julio, there is no threat. I have a surprise.”

Rictor blinked. Then he collapsed back in a wave of relief, adrenaline sloughing off him in panicked waves. “Oh my gosh, ‘Star! What the hell!”

“I am sorry, Julio. I wanted to surprise you.”

“Okay, well, shit, count me surprised.” Rictor ran his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. As his heart rate calmed, he realized he was standing in the middle of the room in boxers and a tank top, and, well, apparently thinking they were under attack wasn’t enough to kill his morning wood. Or midnight, or whatever awful hour it was.

“Ergh, gimme a… hang on…” Rictor slouched back to his bed, grabbing at the sheet. Shatterstar stared at him interestedly, which was. Not helping.

“Okay, so what is it, ‘Star?”

“You should get dressed. For outside.”

Rictor groaned. What the hell time was it? Finally he managed to glance blearily at his digital alarm clock. Four-thirty. Fucking wonderful.

But ‘Star never did stuff like this. Not once as long as Rictor had known him, at least. So Rictor stifled about ten yawns and nodded. “Okay, okay. Gimme a second. Lemme go take a piss and scrub my teeth, okay? Five minutes.”

Shatterstar nodded. “I accounted for your usual fifteen minute morning routine, minus your shower, which won’t be necessary.”

Rictor nodded. Of course he had. “Five minutes,” he promised Shatterstar.

Five minutes pretty much on the nose (plus or minus five minutes. Mostly plus) Rictor was slouching out the door of X-Force’s campgrounds, trailing behind Shatterstar by a good couple feet. Once they were a few dozen yards out Shatterstar stopped and looked back at Rictor, waiting for him to catch up. He wasn’t tapping his foot or anything, but Rictor could sense his restless energy. Rictor pulled one hand out of his to wave at him and jogged half-heartedly, feet shuffling through the desert dust. When he caught up Shatterstar reached out and took Rictor’s free hand in his own. Then he set off again, towards the look-out post. Like he wasn’t holding Rictor’s hands. Like his fingers weren’t lacing between Rictor’s own. Rictor stumbled after him.

“Everyone else is asleep,” Shatterstar reassured him. “I can hold your hand now, yes?”

“Y-yeah,” Rictor croaked. He squeezed at Shatterstar’s hand in his own. It was cold. Shatterstar was always a little cold. Rictor swiped his thumb over Shatterstar’s knuckle. “Yeah, ‘Star. If you want.”

“I do,” Shatterstar replied breezily. Like it was that simple.

The walked in silence towards the guard post. Holding hands. Rictor kind of couldn’t get over that. In bad ways and good ways. It was thrilling, his head felt like it’d float away with happiness and disbelief (and sleep-deprivation, probably). But he also had this nagging feeling like they were going to get caught, that Jimmy was going to jog past them on his morning run, his expression turning from confusion, to disgust, to hatred.

“Is this because of that couple we saw in the mall?”

“Yes.”

Cause and effect were so simple for Shatterstar. Rictor envied him, sometimes. Well, a lot of the time, but for a myriad of reasons.

“Listen, I… I’m sorry we can’t… but, you have to trust me…”

“I trust you.”

Guilt churned in Rictor’s stomach. He knew he was right: no one in X-Force would be okay with them being gay (or whatever ‘Star was). Jimmy would kick them out, maybe after kicking the shit out of them. Bobby and Sam would look at them in disgust, call them all sorts of terrible names. Throw the Bible at them, which wouldn’t hurt Shatterstar, but Rictor already knew exactly what the Church had to say about guys like him, and he was doing just fine beating himself up over it without Bobby reminding him exactly how She felt. Theresa would be disgusted. Feral would probably kill him, for stealing Shatterstar away from the women. Tabby…

Rictor couldn’t imagine what Tabby would do or say. Partly because she was so volatile. But partly because, he knew, her rejection would sting the most. They’d been together the longest out of all of them: she was practically family to him. The big sister he never wanted but was stuck with forever. And to imagine her disgust with him, how she’d tell him it was wrong, tell him he’d done this to Shatterstar, ruined a perfectly good guy, corrupted him…

Rictor gripped Shatterstar’s hand tighter in his own. Wordlessly, Shatterstar squeezed back.

When they reached the guard shack Rictor almost laughed. It was all decked out with a… a picnic. Like with a basket and a checkered cloth and everything.

“Dude, did you come out here, do all this, and then come back to get me?”

“Yes.”

“ _Why_?”

“You are my boyfriend, Julio.” Shatterstar nodded at the spread. “This is what they do on the TV with boyfriends. And watch the sunrise.”

“You dragged me out at ass-o’clock to watch the sunrise. With a picnic,” Rictor commented in disbelief. But his face hurt with smiling, and he couldn’t seem to stop.

“Do you not like it? I will do better for our next date. You said we could not eat at a restaurant together, so I strategized as to how we could go on a private date.”

“No, no, dude. It’s…” Rictor flapped his arms around, at a loss for something to say. Finally he sighed and grabbed at Shatterstar’s hands. “Dude.”

“Dude,” Shatterstar said back, quite seriously. But he was joking, Rictor could tell. He could always tell.

“Can we kiss?” Rictor asked. “I mean, it just, it really feels like a-”

“Do not lick my mouth,” Shatterstar warned him, before swooping in and pressing a cool, dry kiss to Rictor’s lips. Rictor trembled, but he kept his previous promise to Shatterstar and kissed back with his mouth shut. Though he did pull Shatterstar into a tight embrace, arms wrapped around his back as they kissed.

When Shatterstar pulled back he smiled down at Rictor.

“I like this,” he confirmed. “There is a comfort in your physical touch.”

Rictor fought back every terrible instinct he had to make a dirty joke or innuendo right then. Thank God Tabby didn’t know about them, because she’d be making every bad joke under the sun right now.

“Alright, dude. Enough of the sappy stuff. Let’s see this breakfast you made.”

“It is mostly cereal and fruit,” Shatterstar admitted. “Though I did successfully microwave bacon strips.”

“Gross, microwave bacon,” Rictor complained. He took a big bite of one piece to offset any hurt his complaint might inflict. Shatterstar rolled his eyes appropriately in response. Rictor beamed at him. He was getting it. He’d be wholly human in no time.

In the meantime… In the meantime, he was apparently everything Rictor needed. Perfect partner, best friend, and… boyfriend. Apparently.

Rictor curled his knees up to his chest and balanced a bowl of cereal on top of them as he watched the sunrise with Shatterstar. When Shatterstar threaded his fingers gently through the hair at the nape of his neck, Rictor leaned into him with a sigh. He didn’t dare to imagine tomorrow, or even the rest of today. Here and now, he could deal. Right this moment, with Shatterstar’s fingers caressing the back of his neck, Rictor was happy. If he could just ignore the rest of it, it’d be perfect.


End file.
